I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
