idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
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He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
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You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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