What did we do last night that was yellow?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
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Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
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It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.