So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!