dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day