Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.