I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
