I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
