My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
