Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
