I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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