Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm bleeding and have questions
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
