As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
