No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
