The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
