i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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