Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
