Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
