its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
