We won't sleep together?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How many fucks given?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.