I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."