Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Is it because I queefed?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.