Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.