You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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