im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
