Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
