im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
