my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
