Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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