Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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