What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Is it penis luge time yet?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Found the puke drawer
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Never underestimate the power of titties
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
