I'm eating all of the evidence.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
