The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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