it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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