I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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