Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
