haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
