She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
