I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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