If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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