You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
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looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
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They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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