I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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