Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Of course I have a pirate flag
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
