it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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