im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
