You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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