onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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