from now on my penis is your penis
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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