She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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