My hand turned me down
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
