A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
