Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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