He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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