u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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