how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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