i wish starbucks made bloody marys
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
