from now on my penis is your penis
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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