He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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