Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
