Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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