My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
