sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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