I wannas sexs uuuuu
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
