This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
