Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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