Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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