Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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