It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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