508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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