I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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