In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
