I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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