The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
