If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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