Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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