Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
