Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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