it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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